Wanted
by MissDevon
Summary: Kendall deals with the lost of Ryan


_Wanted_

She shook her head as the words left Anna's mouth.  Denial pushed her to her feet as she muffled a cry with her hand.  Tears formed in her green eyes, but no sound was forth coming.  She looked around the room, trapped, needing to get out.  Needing to get away from the grasping hands that wanted to offer her support. 

None of them cared. 

None of them knew what the words really meant.

Why should they?

How could they?  
  
It was him and her against them all.  Learning how to let go of the past.  And they had. . . they had until now.  .    
  
Her eyes caught those of her father-in-law/future step-father, and for an instant his pain registered in her mind.  But then she shook it away.  Shook it away and ran.  Ran like she always did, but this time there was nothing to run to.

He was gone.

But he couldn't be.

This was nothing more than a nightmare.

It had to be.

She'd wake up in their bed, his arms wrapped around her and it would all be ok.

None of the events of the last few days would have happened.

She would not have been grabbed from behind as they walked out of the hotel, rushed because they were afraid they'd miss their flight.

He wouldn't have traded himself for her.

They would have actually been able to say goodbye, not be separated by who knows who, wanting who knows what.  

She would've seen him being taken away, instead of only hearing an anguished cry of her name before everything went black.  She would've woken up to see him and not a worried father-in-law.

She wouldn't have had to answer their questions.

She wouldn't have this headache.

This ache deep in her heart.

He wasn't gone.

He couldn't be.

He was all she had.

The only person who ever really loved _her.___

She didn't have to pretend with him.

Just be.

He was her husband.

He wouldn't leave her.

Not now.

Not with only a few hours having passed since their vows.

But it was more than a few hours.

He'd been taken from her days ago.

They'd only now found some trace.

A burnt out shell of a car.

His wedding ring.

At least that's what she thought Anna had said.

Numb, she brushed a hair away from her face as she felt the wind beat against her.

He'd asked her to marry him in the wind and the rain.

Asked as she started to let go of the past.

Of the need to pretend and fight for approval from someone who never would approve of or want her.

She felt like she'd finally have a chance at the family she always dreamed of as she stood at her grandmother's tombstone.

And now. . . now they told her he was gone.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't.

"WHY?!?!?" she demanded of the air around her, as she sank to her knees.  "WHY NOW? WHY HIM? HOW CAN YOU JUST TAKE LIKE THIS? YOU DID IT TO HIM! TOOK AWAY HIS WIFE.  THEN YOU GAVE US EACH OTHER.  WHY TAKE IT AWAY? BREAK ANOTHER HEART? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"  she wiped at her tears, the rings on her fingers seeming to mock her as they brushed against her cheek.  "DAMNIT SIX PACK, YOU MADE ME BELIEVE IN YOU.  THAT YOU LOVED ME, AND YOU LEFT ME! YOU PROMISED ME. . .YOU PROMISED. . ." she railed as the rain beat down on her and hands bracketed her shoulders.  "Ryan?" she wondered as she swirled her head, only to see his father there.

"Kendall, I'm. . ."  
  


"No. . .No. . . Don't say it.  Because it's your fault.  You let this happen.  You never believed me.  You tried to prove I set the fire instead of trying to find out who did.  If you had. . .why didn't you stop this?" she demanded as tears fell more freely.  "He traded himself for me. . .I'm not worth that.  I'm not worth anything.  It should've been me.  Why didn't he let them take me? It should be me.  No one cares.  No one ever wanted me.  Only him. . ."

"Kendall, let me take you home," Chris said softly as he pulled her gently to her feet, not answering her accusations because he had no answers for her.  There were two possibly suspects for this Ryan's 'father' and Proteus.  Either way, he made a silent vow to make them pay for this.  For killing his son. For breaking this young woman who had seem unbreakable.

"Don't you get it? I don't have one," she said brokenly.

"Yeah, you do," Bianca said as she walked over and put a hand on her older sister's shoulder.  

"Don't pretend to care. . ."

"Who's pretending?" Bianca asked.  "Ryan was my friend.  And lately, you've tried to be too.  We're never going to be real sisters, can't we at least try to be friends?"

"I can't deal with this. . ." Kendall whispered brokenly.  "There's no one. . ." she shook her head.  "He was the only one. . .The only one who understood."

"Let's get out of the rain," Bianca entreated.  

"Why? So I don't get sick? Who's going to care?" Kendall asked, anger lacing her voice, giving her a renewed strength.  "Really? Who?"  
  


"Stop acting like a selfish brat!" Erica said as she stormed over, and took her daughter's chin in her hand, forcing her to look at her.  "He's gone.  Your hurting, but you aren't the only one! Now, we're taking you out of the rain.  Deal with it."

"I don't want to _deal with it!" Kendall shot back.  "It's not something to just __deal with! I'm not that cold hearted bitch everyone thinks I am.  You can't just tell me--- tell me my husband's dead and expect---- expect me to just- - -" she shook her head.  "Oh G-d. . .he's dead. . .he's dead. . ." she gasped as her legs gave out from under her.  Chris reacted quickly, catching her before she could hit the ground in his arms and lifting her up, allowing her to bury her head in his shoulder, as Erica reached up and wrapped the blanket she had taken from the car around Kendall.  Stepping back, she watch as Chris started to go towards the car, and wrapped her own arm around Bianca's shoulders, before they followed.  Erica sending up a silent reguest to her mother to help them all get through this. . ._

~fin?~


End file.
